You made me wait 10 weeks for this?

I was going to wait until I got home to post, but I had some time at work and I want to get this all down while it's fresh in my head.

I got my fill about 2 hours ago. I love my surgeon; I never have to fight with him if I want a bigger fill or anything. I told him that the coordinator recommended at least 3ccs, told him that I felt no change at all after the last fill, etc, so he said he'd put a few more in. But first, as always, he had to take out what was there to check the fill level...

1cc.

I was supposed to have 4ccs in my band after my last fill, and I had 1cc that he pulled back out. Everything just kind of clicked. Why I've been able to eat such huge amounts of food, why I felt absolutely nothing after my last fill, etc. I don't think it was a leak. After he said there was only 1cc in there, he said "I put 1cc in last time"--to which I promptly responded "but it was supposed to be a TOTAL of 4." I think what happened is that he meant to put in an ADDITIONAL 1cc in last time, and accidentally put ONLY 1cc back in, just based on this conversation.

So I had to wait 10 weeks to get a fill, only to find out that my lack of restriction was due to a mistake. If they would just let me get fills when I actually need them, I could have found this out 6 weeks ago instead of starving all this time. He put a total of 5cc in today, which I was afraid that he might make me build it back up slowly. So now, my highest fill has been 3ccs, and I had restriction for about 3 weeks with that, so hopefully 5 will give me some even better results. The only problem is that since he put so much in today, I have to be on liquids for a few days instead of just today. Ugh!

I'm going to schedule an appointment with him either this week or next week, since it takes 2-3 weeks to get an appt. Either way, I have to be weighed before I can get another fill. And then, if I need a fill by then, we can get it scheduled right there, and it should be a max of about 6 weeks between this fill and the next.

Usually I make a protein shake to bring to work on my fill days, but I've really gotten tired of the protein powder I use, and it never shakes up completely so there's always clumps in it. So instead, this morning I picked up a meal replacement shake. I meant to get Slim-Fast, but all the convenience store had was this one called Nutrament. Apparently, this is only available in New York and Florida, but I was really surprised; it tastes GOOD! I got the chocolate, and it didn't have the weird aftertaste that Slim-Fast has. The nutrition is a little different; Slim-Fast has 220 calories, 3g of fat, 40g of carbs, and 10g of protein. Nutrament has 360 calories, 10g of fat, 52g of carbs, and 16g of protein. Nutrament seems like it's meant more as an athletic drink, so that's why some of the bad stuff is higher, but the 16g of protein makes up for some of it. Plus, 360 calories isn't really that bad when it's your entire meal.

DH is making potato soup tonight. He always makes soup after my fills, but usually something with just a little bit of chunkiness to it so I don't feel too deprived. Since I have to be on liquids for a few days though, I'm going to blend it tonight just to be safe. I love how his soup always tastes like the best thing ever after fills :)

Two more days!

I'm anxiously awaiting my fill on Wednesday. I have a good feeling about this one.

I did get my walk in, but not as far as I had planned. Originally, I was going to stop at the trail on my way home from work. Then I decided I really wanted to spend more time with DH, so I went straight home and we were going to walk together. Well..."maritals" happened (absolutely no complaint here!) and by the time we finally got out and went for the walk, it was getting late so we only did about a mile in fear of getting stuck too far out when it was getting dark, and the trail technically closes at dusk.

We had Panera for dinner, yummy broccoli cheddar soup and half of a Smokehouse Turkey panini. The great thing about Panera is that I can never completely finish my meal, and I love that feeling.

Tomorrow is the support group, I think I'm going to try to go. It kills me though because DH is off work and I really want to spend time with him.

Getting Hot Out

I got my walk in again today. I realize that on the weekends, if I just walk right after taking DH to work, then it's done and I don't have to worry about it later and it's harder to make excuses. I couldn't bring my phone (my phone has my music) with me today since I didn't have pockets (and already have my hands full with the weights) so it was a little boring. It was about 75 degrees, but walking in the sun got me VERY hot, and about 2/3 of the way through my walk I just got very sluggish and tired. I need to figure out a way to bring water with me, I think that would have solved that problem. But when I carry the weights I don't have a way to carry any water. I'll have to think about this.

I also tested a new theory today. I know that when I tried Couch to 5K, it was too much to run 60 seconds at a time. I could do it, but then I was so wiped that I had to walk longer and miss the next interval. I was reading about interval training and one site had a plan almost identical to Couch to 5K (it never referenced anything similar though), but with one difference: the first week starts with 30 second intervals instead of 60. It took me about a month to finally try it, but I did one 30-second run today, just to see how my body handled it. I did it during my last 1/4 mile so that if I got too exhausted, I wouldn't have far to go. I ran my 30 seconds, and I was alright! I think I could do this. I don't think I'm quite ready to do 30 seconds running, 90 seconds walking, but I'm going to start slow: run 30 seconds at every 1/4 mile marker. That gives me at least 7 running intervals. I think that's a REALLY good start for me, without killing me. Over time I can increase the frequency, then eventually increase the length of the running interval. I'm going to try it tomorrow and see how it works out.

The Last 7 Days = Total Waste

Until this morning, I had not taken a walk or worked out at all since last Wednesday or Thursday. I don't know why I didn't Thursday or Friday, I had a three day weekend Saturday - Monday and I just didn't feel like doing anything, and then Tuesday, my grandpa died, so I had little motivation Tuesday and Wednesday. Thursday, we got a call at 6:30 AM from a friend asking us to take in a feral cat he trapped, so by 7:30 AM we had the fiesty little girl in our bathroom, so I wanted to get home fast after work for that reason. Yesterday I thought it was going to storm, ended up not raining at all, but that was no excuse for me not to go to the gym instead. So today I finally went out and just did it. The weather was beautiful, it was nice and cool under the trees, but I was working so hard that my bra is still wet with sweat.

The other reason this week was a waste is that since last weekend, I have just been eating like crazy. I figured out why yesterday, when I woke up and had "those" cramps for the first time since I was in high school. I've been on Depo-Provera (birth control shot) since I was 18, and I haven't had a true period since. However, when I get close to my 2-week window to get my shot again (every 3 months if you don't know much about it), sometimes I start spotting, sometimes I get really moody/PMS, and this time I cramped and had a bottomless stomach.

My fill is this Wednesday, so I'm hoping to kick my ass back into better habits and try to make it work this time. I weighed myself for the first time since May 1st. Despite all the sabatoging I did this week with no working out and eating, I only gained 3 pounds in 4 weeks. I really should be more upset about gaining, but I have ZERO restriction and I can't feel too bad about it. I know that once I have restriction, I'll drop weight much much easier.

On LBT I joined the Labor Day Challenge - my goal is to be 375 by Labor Day (Sept. 7) - so I need to lose 40 pounds in 14 weeks. If my fill actually works, I think that is totally doable, about 2-3 pounds a week. I really need to kick it up a notch and TRY along with my band. So far I haven't met ANY of my mini-goals and I'd really like to reach this one for once. My next goal is to be under 400 by July 15th or so, when I go to a convention in Baltimore. Again, about 2 pounds a week, so I think I should be able to do this if I try hard enough.

Support Group

I went to the support group last night. It was "Support Group for Bariatric Supporters" and I really wanted DH to come, but he was working. I know it's been quite a change for him and he gets so worked up sometimes trying to figure out healthier, more filling foods for me. He has absolutely been my #1 supporter. Only two women brought their husbands though, most people didn't know it was "supporters" night.

Anyway, the program coordinator finally put me on the spot and had me talk about what I've been going through, since I'm usually pretty quiet at the meetings. Not because I'm shy, but because the attendees all know each other so well that I generally can't get a word in edgewise. After the meeting, I regretted talking about my problems so far. I KNOW that everyone means well, but it was really frustrating sitting there while people who have no issues with volume (either bypass or well-established bandsters--I think I'm the only one at the group who doesn't eat less than before surgery) try to give me tips and tell me to go back to basics, follow the plan, blah blah. I do appreciate that people care so much, but it reminded me of why I don't go to the dietician: I KNOW what I'm supposed to be doing, I know HOW to eat healthy, but knowledge and practice don't always go hand-in-hand. There was only one suggestion during the whole fiasco that I hadn't already tried or didn't already know. I do continually go back to "basics" and try to be a good bandster, but when there's no restriction, hunger gets the best of me.

The only suggestion I didn't think of already was to eat half of my supper and put the other half away--with the understanding that I was fully allowed to eat it later, since I would have normally eaten it anyway, but I didn't have to eat it if I wasn't hungry. It's really not a bad idea and I may try it sometime.

I kept repeating myself over and over and it's like nobody understands--most of my problems will be solved when I have restriction. Hunger and portion sizes are my problem, it's usually not about the quality of what I put in my mouth. I haven't had fast food in almost 5 months, but my weight keeps bobbing up and down, no major loss. I can eat as healthy as possible, but if I'm eating 2-3x more than I should be, it doesn't matter if one serving was only 200 calories, because now I just ate 600.

At least my program coordinator understood that restriction really will be the best solution for me and that it's not necessarily anything I'm doing wrong. She reminded me again after the meeting to get a really big fill this time, she even half-joked that she wants one so big that I can't swallow the next day.

So anyway, I'm not sure what my feelings on the support group are. It's good to stay on the coordinator's good side for when I have problems getting fills, but I'm really not getting much of a benefit from it. It's nice to be around other people who had surgery, but nobody in the group is really going through exactly what I am with trying to get restriction. LBT is probably still my best resource for that. I'll go to the next few groups, but I may taper off eventually, we'll see how I'm doing after my next fill.

My walk actually kicked my ass today! I think I may be trying too much at once--walking with intervals of speed walking, carrying the weights and doing organized reps here and there. I haven't been this sore right after a walk in awhile. It felt good though, because I feel like I got a good workout. Me and Lily Allen--still going strong :)

DH's Blog

DH finally started a food blog. He loves trying new recipes and tweaking things he sees on the Food Network. He calls it "food alchemy." He's also been on a mission to cook things healthier whenever he can, and when I'm on liquids and mushies, he sees it as a challenge to make something delicious during what would normally be a bland and torturous time period.

That said, I will be tagging things as "Lap-Band Friendly" and some sort of tag for healthier foods as he tries new things and posts about them. Keep an eye out for it!

Welcome to Flavor Country

Sore!

So the hand weights are definitely working...I was so sore today. Strangely enough, it's the sides of my lower back that were sore. When I'm walking, it's the middle of my upper back (where I usually hurt if I'm not wearing a bra or something). I got my 2 miles in today, with the weights. Listening to Lily Allen improved my time by about 5 minutes (roughly--didn't really check the time when I got out of the car). I found myself walking faster to keep pace with her more upbeat songs. Definitely a good walking partner!

A woman caught up to me today right before I got back to the parking lot. I think she was part of the pair that talked to me a few weeks ago. She asked me how it was going and such and told me how she used to be a size 26/28 and now she's a 14 just by walking. We talked a little bit about how far she goes, how the trail is past where I stop, stuff like that. She just wanted to encourage me :) Somedays I just need that.

Karma is a bitch--I didn't feel so good after having about 1/3 of the M&M bag at work today....