HOLY MOLY!! I miss you all!!!!
12 years ago
Monday, September 17, 2012
Anyone Out There? I'm Still Here
Well, you know what it means if I haven't been around. It means nothing good has happened! I have basically hovered around the same weight for a year and a half now. I'm currently at 410, which actually surprised me because I could have sworn I was back up somewhere around my starting weight with how sluggish I feel lately. I think I'm just burnt out though.
I haven't had a fill since I last posted. My insurance still doesn't cover it. My company is changing insurances yet again in January, so we'll see if it covers WLS stuff or not this time.
I want to see my doctor, but I feel so hopelessly like a failure, and I don't want him to know how poorly I've been doing. I could afford a fill. I keep thinking after I get back down to maybe 380 then I'd go get a fill, but I don't know if I can do it alone.
We bought a house this past January, and ever since then, my eating has been an absolute roller coaster. The kitchen in this house is downstairs, away from the rest of the house (bedrooms and living room are upstairs). Several times, I've bought crap food to eat in the office upstairs instead of having to go downstairs and get real food. Chips and dip - HELLO? trigger food! I've also ended up drinking a lot of soda again, which I'm now tapering off. The soda is also related to the kitchen problem, because I don't have easy access to a pitcher of Crystal Light anymore. I've noticed that Crystal Light actually molds if left out too long, so I buy a lot more of the individual packs now.
Since we do have a house now, we started fostering cats for a local rescue group. This keeps me so busy that it's just another problem, we eat out a lot now because neither of us have the energy to cook, etc. I'm so tired when I get home at night that I don't want to do anything. I get very little exercise.
Anyway, I just felt the need to hold myself accountable and post what's going on. I can't hide forever. Just because I don't tell people about it doesn't mean there isn't a problem.
Monday, February 21, 2011
FOOD.
For the most part, I've been really good about walking more and trying to exercise every day. Of course, the exercise led to tendonitis in my ankle, in which my doctor told me to take a week of the Wii (I only took a few days off since then, I didn't want to stop).
That being said, I still can't seem to get a good handle on my eating. Last week, I gained 3 lbs back up to 394. This week, I did manage to lose 1 pound, so 393 now. However, this still only puts me at -4 lbs since the beginning of the year, and that is unacceptable to me.
On Valentine's Day, we went to a nice restaurant but the food wasn't that great, so even though I was full, I just wasn't mentally satisfied and I wanted dessert. We ended up just getting shakes at McDonald's, and my husband agreed that it was okay since it was a special occasion. Then that special occasion led to me going through McD's again for a shake the next day. I had to put the brakes on that train FAST, because shakes are one of the big reasons I gained so much weight last summer/fall. I also did badly the week before and had 2 boxes (8 cookies each) of Mrs. Fields cookies over a few days.
At least my ravenous eating due to birth control shot has been subdued, but I just can't seem to eat reasonable portions and avoid the junk. I had some soda this weekend, too.
Ugh. I know I can be a clumsy person, but why do I keep falling off this damn wagon?
That being said, I still can't seem to get a good handle on my eating. Last week, I gained 3 lbs back up to 394. This week, I did manage to lose 1 pound, so 393 now. However, this still only puts me at -4 lbs since the beginning of the year, and that is unacceptable to me.
On Valentine's Day, we went to a nice restaurant but the food wasn't that great, so even though I was full, I just wasn't mentally satisfied and I wanted dessert. We ended up just getting shakes at McDonald's, and my husband agreed that it was okay since it was a special occasion. Then that special occasion led to me going through McD's again for a shake the next day. I had to put the brakes on that train FAST, because shakes are one of the big reasons I gained so much weight last summer/fall. I also did badly the week before and had 2 boxes (8 cookies each) of Mrs. Fields cookies over a few days.
At least my ravenous eating due to birth control shot has been subdued, but I just can't seem to eat reasonable portions and avoid the junk. I had some soda this weekend, too.
Ugh. I know I can be a clumsy person, but why do I keep falling off this damn wagon?
Monday, February 7, 2011
This Can't Be Easy, Can It?
I was supposed to get my birth control shot this morning, which would get rid of this awful bottomless pit of a stomach I have lately. I showed up to the office even 30 mins early to do paperwork, and they told me that she was working in another location today, didn't anyone tell me? Yeah...they told me she would be at THIS location. So I had to reschedule for Thursday. I don't know if I can handle the constant hunger much longer!
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Checking In
So...no weight loss this week (possibly even gained 1 pound, the scale wouldn't decide between the two). I'm not upset about it this time, because it was kind of expected, for a few reasons. While I still physically worked hard, those chips and dip I mentioned in my last post got the best of me for a few days, and I had some sweets throughout the week, including a slice of cheesecake at The Cheesecake Factory today (after an already big meal).
The other reason is that I'm due for my Depo-Provera birth control shot, which I get on Monday. I think I've talked about this before, but just a quick refresh, every 3 months I get this shot, and for a few weeks around my "window" to get it, my hormones start acting up and I'm usually hungry all the time, regardless of my band. This week was no exception. For awhile I actually thought something was wrong, maybe the saline didn't actually get into the band or something during my fill (since it was done in the office and not under flouro), but then I realized what was going on. So for now, I'm withholding judgement about my fill until at least a few days after my shot so I can give it a fair chance before declaring failure.
I know I let my eating get the best of me this again week, and it's something I really need to work on. My new mantra hasn't been working out too well for me - "Don't trade what you want most for what you want at the moment." Food is one of those instantly gratifying things that it's hard for me to say no to.
I've been watching this new show called "Heavy" on A&E (Mondays at 10 PM EST) that every week, it shows 2 people who participate in a 6-month weight loss program. The first month is spent at a weight loss facility, the last 5 months are spent at home with a personal trainer. I like it better than the Biggest Loser because there's no competition in it. But anyway, one of the participants reminded me that unlike drugs and alcohol, food addictions are harder to deal with because you still need to eat. Ain't it the truth.
The other reason is that I'm due for my Depo-Provera birth control shot, which I get on Monday. I think I've talked about this before, but just a quick refresh, every 3 months I get this shot, and for a few weeks around my "window" to get it, my hormones start acting up and I'm usually hungry all the time, regardless of my band. This week was no exception. For awhile I actually thought something was wrong, maybe the saline didn't actually get into the band or something during my fill (since it was done in the office and not under flouro), but then I realized what was going on. So for now, I'm withholding judgement about my fill until at least a few days after my shot so I can give it a fair chance before declaring failure.
I know I let my eating get the best of me this again week, and it's something I really need to work on. My new mantra hasn't been working out too well for me - "Don't trade what you want most for what you want at the moment." Food is one of those instantly gratifying things that it's hard for me to say no to.
I've been watching this new show called "Heavy" on A&E (Mondays at 10 PM EST) that every week, it shows 2 people who participate in a 6-month weight loss program. The first month is spent at a weight loss facility, the last 5 months are spent at home with a personal trainer. I like it better than the Biggest Loser because there's no competition in it. But anyway, one of the participants reminded me that unlike drugs and alcohol, food addictions are harder to deal with because you still need to eat. Ain't it the truth.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Disappointment
My fill is doing okay so far, if I would stop eating past when I feel full *sigh*. I always have problems with wanting to eat more than I need to.
I worked out every single day last week for at least 45 minutes, sometimes more (like 2 hours Saturday, 3 hours yesterday...). Saturday I weighed myself, and I lost 1 single pound. Yep, just 1. After that I just sat in bed for about 15 minutes being pissed off and ready to give up. I worked REALLY hard last week and had nothing to show for it.
But unfortunately, I can't give up. 391 lbs is NOT an okay weight to stay at.
My biggest trigger food is chips and dip. I am WELL aware of this. Last week my husband made homemade guacamole after seeing it made at a restaurant a few weeks ago, so we had that with tortilla chips. He wanted to make it again, but I just didn't buy the avocados because I knew what would happen. So what did I do instead? Yesterday, I thought my favorite spinach dip was on sale, so I bought 2 jars of it (ended up not being on sale, but I didn't know until after I paid) and 2 bags of tortilla chips. I sat down and ate about 4/5 of one bag of chips and one jar of dip. I estimated about 1500 calories for that little binge. Trigger food. I just can't keep chips in the house at all or this is what happens, but I don't know when I'm going to learn my lesson. I've been REALLY good about not buying sweets, I don't know why I thought chips were different. Sweets were never really my big problems, it was always eating large portions of "regular" food.
Live and learn, right?
So this morning, I didn't feel like eating anything while at home before I left. I had to run an errand before work and ended up having a little extra time, so I decided to stop at Smoothie King for the first time and see what they had. I decided on a medium "Trim Down" Passion Passport smoothie, no additions. 1. The "medium" is THIRTY-TWO OUNCES (32!!). I figured at best it would be 16 oz. 2. They had no nutritional info posted, but I figured since it was on the "Trim Down" menu, it couldn't be too bad. I looked it up online when I got to work - the medium is 592 calories. Seriously? What else is in this besides ice and fruit? I didn't taste any yogurt or anything in it, so I have no idea how the calories got so inflated. Just another lesson that just because something is diet or light doesn't mean it's really that great.
What a way to start the week so far.
I worked out every single day last week for at least 45 minutes, sometimes more (like 2 hours Saturday, 3 hours yesterday...). Saturday I weighed myself, and I lost 1 single pound. Yep, just 1. After that I just sat in bed for about 15 minutes being pissed off and ready to give up. I worked REALLY hard last week and had nothing to show for it.
But unfortunately, I can't give up. 391 lbs is NOT an okay weight to stay at.
My biggest trigger food is chips and dip. I am WELL aware of this. Last week my husband made homemade guacamole after seeing it made at a restaurant a few weeks ago, so we had that with tortilla chips. He wanted to make it again, but I just didn't buy the avocados because I knew what would happen. So what did I do instead? Yesterday, I thought my favorite spinach dip was on sale, so I bought 2 jars of it (ended up not being on sale, but I didn't know until after I paid) and 2 bags of tortilla chips. I sat down and ate about 4/5 of one bag of chips and one jar of dip. I estimated about 1500 calories for that little binge. Trigger food. I just can't keep chips in the house at all or this is what happens, but I don't know when I'm going to learn my lesson. I've been REALLY good about not buying sweets, I don't know why I thought chips were different. Sweets were never really my big problems, it was always eating large portions of "regular" food.
Live and learn, right?
So this morning, I didn't feel like eating anything while at home before I left. I had to run an errand before work and ended up having a little extra time, so I decided to stop at Smoothie King for the first time and see what they had. I decided on a medium "Trim Down" Passion Passport smoothie, no additions. 1. The "medium" is THIRTY-TWO OUNCES (32!!). I figured at best it would be 16 oz. 2. They had no nutritional info posted, but I figured since it was on the "Trim Down" menu, it couldn't be too bad. I looked it up online when I got to work - the medium is 592 calories. Seriously? What else is in this besides ice and fruit? I didn't taste any yogurt or anything in it, so I have no idea how the calories got so inflated. Just another lesson that just because something is diet or light doesn't mean it's really that great.
What a way to start the week so far.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Soup For Dinner!
Only in crazy LapBand Land would anyone be excited to be on a liquid diet. Because, my friends, that means I got a fill today! My doctor scolded me a little for not calling sooner to find out about a fill, even without insurance paying for it. Either way though, he did it in the office for me, and if this fill isn't enough he'll do another one soon, otherwise, if it's good, another one in 6-8 weeks. He really is a good guy and I'm thankful to have him for my doctor. He even mentioned he could fix the scars from my gallbladder surgery that didn't heal nicely at some point.
After my last fill, I was up to 10.5cc, there was 10 left in there today, and he added 2 more, so up to 12cc now. I better hit a good spot soon, I don't have much room left to work with!
After my last fill, I was up to 10.5cc, there was 10 left in there today, and he added 2 more, so up to 12cc now. I better hit a good spot soon, I don't have much room left to work with!
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Peer Pressure
I got up my courage and stepped on the scale this morning. I FINALLY started losing again for the first time since last May - 5 pounds down to 392! I was starting to get discouraged that my improved (not perfect, but better) eating habits and walking more haven't been making a difference. Seeing the weight go down is the best motivation I can have. I'm also glad that it's starting BEFORE I get a fill, to show myself that I CAN do it if I just put my mind to it.
As for this post's title - Peer Pressure - I went and bought a Wii today. There is a large group of people in the fitbit community who play this walking game called Walk It Out and always talk about how addicting it is, how many steps they rack up on it, etc...I just couldn't help myself. Last year, DH and I were trying to decide between the Wii and the Xbox 360. We got the 360, but since the Wii was even a contender, he agreed that it would be worth it if we got the Wii now as well. I picked up the Walk It Out game, a Jillian Michaels game, and they had the Wii Fit (just the game, not the balance board) for $4. I don't know yet if I can use the Wii Fit game without a board, and I don't WANT a board, but I figure for $4, nothing is really lost if I can't use it without one.
Cheers!
As for this post's title - Peer Pressure - I went and bought a Wii today. There is a large group of people in the fitbit community who play this walking game called Walk It Out and always talk about how addicting it is, how many steps they rack up on it, etc...I just couldn't help myself. Last year, DH and I were trying to decide between the Wii and the Xbox 360. We got the 360, but since the Wii was even a contender, he agreed that it would be worth it if we got the Wii now as well. I picked up the Walk It Out game, a Jillian Michaels game, and they had the Wii Fit (just the game, not the balance board) for $4. I don't know yet if I can use the Wii Fit game without a board, and I don't WANT a board, but I figure for $4, nothing is really lost if I can't use it without one.
Cheers!
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