Fill...and Praying

So I had my fill yesterday. I was expecting my surgeon, but when they finally brought me back to the fluoro room (an hour late), the nurse practitioner was there, which was great because I love her. She talked to me about how things were going, answered all my questions, even went over a still shot of the fluoro screen with me. It's so nice to feel comfortable asking questions, my surgeon has been getting very dismissive lately when I try to talk to him during fill appointments.

Now I'm up to 10cc in my 14cc band and I'm hoping I finally feel some difference, because I don't have much room left to go. I did weigh myself this morning, which I hadn't gotten around to doing since they weighed me at the office a few weeks ago, when it said 411. I think between my heavy clothes, the big meals I had that day, and not having...went to the bathroom that day, it just blew that number up too much. The scale said about 404 this morning, and I really doubt I lost 7 pounds in 3 weeks, considering how I've been eating lately, so it must have been the other things to account for the difference. I REALLY WANT TO LOSE 5 POUNDS!! Come on, just let me get under 400!

Uhm, Hi

Yeah...disappeared again, so you know what that means. I haven't went walking at all since my last post. I really want to get back into it since it's cooled down outside and my lingering sinus infection is mostly gone now, but I just can't get up the motivation. Walking and exercising wasn't helping me lose weight and I have no idea why.

I have to do something about my eating habits. Why am I so unwilling to diet now that I have the LapBand? I hate dieting and I think part of my brain thought I wouldn't have to diet once I had surgery, I would just eat less of everything. So far that hasn't even happened yet. I've gotten pretty loose the last few weeks, I barely get stuck and I'm hungry all the time. I have a fill scheduled for Thurs. Oct 22, which makes it almost 3 months between fills again.

I knew I needed a fill right after my last one, but I just didn't want to have to argue about it. I wasn't feeling famished, I was still getting stuck here and there, so I thought I was okay without it until I knew I could ask for it without opposition. So what happened? Last week I went to pay my bill at the office and just happened to talk to the nurse practitioner and she got me scheduled for a fill. But...they weighed me while I was there. I hadn't touched a scale since my last post. I was wearing a heavy sweater, heavy pants, and ate quite a bit that day, but that doesn't FULLY explain why I was up to 411. Yes, I gained 9 pounds in those two months. I haven't weighed myself since then (naked, empty bladder and stomach) to get an accurate weight, but I think I'm scared to.

The only time I lose weight anymore is during the week after a fill, and I think that's only from the liquid diet. Why do I have the band if all I have to do is go on a liquid diet to lose weight, and that's the only thing that makes me lose weight? It's ridiculous. I haven't heard of anyone having so much trouble getting restriction over a year after their surgery. I'm still worried that maybe my band is just too big for my stomach or placed incorrectly or something and that I will never get proper restriction. The day where I can only eat 1 cup or less of food seems so hilarious to me because I feel like it could never happen. 8ccs in my band, 1 year and 4 months out of surgery, and I can still eat 2+ cups of food.

I have to stop avoiding posting when I'm not doing what I should be, maybe not losing weight is a better reason to post instead of only when the scale is moving or bitching about fills.