Not bad!

Today I went on the elliptical first and skipped the bike, just to see 1) how my shoes would do with the elliptical, and 2) what kind of stamina I would have on the elliptical without being worn out at all from the bike.

My feet did start to hurt after maybe 7 or 8 minutes, but I have a feeling I'll always have SOME pain until my weight starts coming off and eases the pressure off my feet. The real test will be my 2 mile walk tomorrow (and DH will be coming with me!).

I made some friends in the gym and it's really nice to talk to them while I work out. One was there tonight the whole time on the elliptical, I was able to go 10 minutes without stopping. I actually could have gone longer, but I still wanted to do weights and then I was going to get back on it, I thought maybe if I didn't wear myself out completely at once, I could go longer total. Well, after I did my weights, my gym buddy left and I got back on the elliptical. I went about 2 minutes and then I wasn't really tired, but I just didn't feel like going any longer. I had to pick DH up from work and I just stopped then. I'm still not knocking it! 12 minutes on the elliptical is more of a workout than I get from 15 minutes on the bike. We'll see how I adjust my workout after this.

I paid $107 for a pair of shoes.

I haven't posted in a few days because Tuesday I was enjoying just spending the night with my husband, relaxing on the bed, watching TV, and just having some quality time together. Neither of us turned on our computers. Last night I just didn't feel like sitting at the computer for long.

I've been getting a lot of advice about what to do about my feet hurting when I work out. I was recommended this store called "The Walking Company" but they carry a whole 6 styles of athletic shoes; it's not really their specialty even though they do custom insoles for the regular shoes they carry. Someone here suggested that I go to a podiatrist to get orthotics, which my insurance should cover--I'm still considering this as a last resort since I don't have much time for doctor's appointments, but if it gets to where nothing else helps, I'll go.

Then I remembered someone saying a long time ago that New Balance will find the shoes that fit you perfect and made for what you need. I found on their website that there was a New Balance store close enough to my office that I could go on my lunch break. So I went! I knew their shoes would be expensive ($80-130) but I am to the point where I am willing to pay for a pair of shoes that will take away the pain that is holding me back from working out harder and longer. I saw some really pretty shoes but the girl said I couldn't have them. Yes, actually said I could not have them. They didn't have the features I need, apparently. So, they brought out some of the ugliest shoes I ever saw but I tried them on, walked around, picked one, and paid. All $107. I can bring them back though within 30 days if I don't like them, no matter what condition they are in.

So even though I'm not thrilled about the style, I was excited to try them out tonight, thinking that all my problems would be solved.

Not so much.

My feet actually ended up hurting MORE than with my other shoes. And not just the balls of my feet like usual, but my entire foot was hurting. Sigh. This was on the bike. For the second day in a row, I got kicked out of the gym by the security guard before I could use the elliptical. Tomorrow I'll do the elliptical FIRST just so I can try out my shoes on it; I'm not too worried if I get too tired and have to skip the bike. One of my coworkers told me today that 6 miles on the bike is equal to 1 mile on the elliptical. That's some surprising, though not shocking, news. He recommended that I focus on the elliptical and just forget about the bike because it's just not as beneficial to my exercise. We'll see what happens when I try it first before any fatigue from the bike. I also told him about my 2 mile walk and he said that's probably the best workout I can do for myself to build up working out on the machines more.

I also plan to try out the shoes walking this weekend; if they fail all 3 tests (bike, elliptical, walking) then I'll exchange them for the other shoes I tried on today. If those don't work, screw it. My other shoes work better right now. Then I'll look in to seeing a podiatrist.

Sobering Experience

Hungry hungry hungry...really need that fill before I gnaw off my arm.

Anyway, tonight I did pretty good--15 mins on the bike, 4 different weight machines, 5 mins on the elliptical (and wasn't TOO dead after that). I was really sleepy though after my workout, which is new. I don't know if it had to do with still being really hungry after my Lean Cuisine lunch or a little less sleep last night than usual.

I was the last one in the gym so I was alone in the locker room after my workout. Since nobody else could get in at that point, while I was changing back into my work pants (I didn't feel like wearing my bright blue pants outside), I stopped and just took a long look in the full-length mirror they have by the lockers. First, I realized that it's been a LONG LONG time since I've even really looked in a full-length mirror (I don't even check my own face too often, I'm not concerned about it). Second, I was absolutely disgusted at what I saw. One of the reasons I'm so heavy and not very depressed about it is because I've always just accepted my body. I rarely sit there and nitpick everything I don't like about my body. AND I always thought that my legs, though bigger than average, were still acceptable. Even if they used to be, they aren't anymore. My lower abdomen and my legs are just abominable. Since I've been losing at least a little weight, my stomach region is shifting--the upper sides are slimming while everything sinks down into the room made in my lower stomach by losing weight there. Because of that, my stomach looks like cottage cheese. It didn't before because it was so stretched with fat there was no extra skin to wrinkle. My thighs look even worse. To make the situation worse, I didn't realize how bad I had vericose veins on the back of my thighs by the back of my knees. I had no idea. Then I thought about how I had worn a swimsuit in the Bally's pool last weekend! Oh my god, I let all those people see that?

I think I am going to buy a full-length mirror now for our bedroom. Knowing now what I actually look like below the waist and having a continuing reminder of it should really help me get motivated. Of course, that's hard to say when your stomach is in hunger agony...NEED THAT FILL!

I'd Consider This An NSV

I haven't really had an NSV (Non-scale victory) in awhile since my weight loss has plateaued, but today, I went for a 2-mile walk on this bike path that runs alongside a highway here in Yonkers (Saw Mill Parkway for any NYers that may be reading). My feet didn't hurt at all and I didn't have to stop and rest AT ALL. I felt great. I haven't been able to walk very far without either my legs, back, or feet killing me after a short while. The cool thing about walking on this pathway is that it has a start point, 1/4, 1/2, 3/4, and 1 mile markers; and also, if I go all the way to the 1 mile marker, that means I HAVE TO do another full mile. I can't just stop and give up or I'd be stranded. My only options would be to sit down on the ground for a bit, rest up, and still have to finish the full 2 miles to get back to my car. I love not having a bail-out option like I do when working out at home or at the gym. I might make this a habit on the weekends since it's on the way to my husband's job (and I usually have to drive him on the weekends)--weather allowing, of course.

I didn't work out yesterday though, I got caught up playing a video game with my husband and then by the time we ate dinner, we had company coming right afterwards. I think today made up for that though, since all I would have done today and yesterday anyway was 1 mile each on Walk Away The Pounds. I might still do that later tonight, but we'll see.

I may invest in some custom-fit shoes soon, because my feet hurting is what is really holding up my gym workouts.

SORE

Yesterday was great. I had a blast at the zoo and probably walked 3 or 4 miles and only had to sit down twice (once for lunch anyway, then I made it the rest of the day until the hike back to the car). The only downside is that from my hips down, I am SORE. I was still sore when I woke up this morning, and I'm still sore now. It affected my workout today, too. I was doing okay on the bike, but as I was getting towards the end, my feet were killing me--not like the usual soreness, but it felt like they were on fire they were hurting so bad, and it was just around one specific area on each foot, not right across the center as usual. I don't know what happened. I had to actually stop when I had 2.5 minutes left because it hurt so bad, usually I can work through the soreness and finish.

I did some weights tonight too, I read the instructions on the machines I didn't know and I found some that I like. After doing one of the machines, my feet felt better so I finished another 3 minutes on the bike. I won't quit! A few more weight machines, then got on the elliptical. After 2 minutes, I couldn't do anymore. My leg soreness kicked in and I had to stop. I might have overdone it between yesterday and today, but I'm still glad I worked out at all.

I gained 2 pounds back this week, but I wasn't being so strict again, it just pushes me to want to binge right now when I'm hungry all the time. I decided that I'm not going to check the scale again until my fill. I'm just going to keep losing and gaining the same few pounds without any restriction, and it's too frustrating. I'll still be mindful of what I eat and exercise, but with less emphasis on weight loss until my fill. I think that's for the best for now.

Happy Birthday To Me!

That's right ladies and gentlemen. Today, my car insurance rate will go down and I can no longer check "18-24" on surveys. Of course, this also means that I didn't make my goal of getting under 400 lbs. by my birthday. I don't feel TOO horrible about it though, because when I made that goal, I was starting to have restriction after my 2nd fill and thought it would keep going. I still have another goal for the Biggest Loser Pound-for-Pound challenge, which is 20 lbs by May 5--of which, I've only lost 3 so far. I still have a little less than a month, but I don't really expect to make it since I won't have another fill by then.

I did get to the gym last night, and for the first time since I started going down, I finally got kicked out for being in there past 6. I had just finished the bike and was about to do the elliptical. Since there was another girl in there, she was going to finish the last 4 minutes on her elliptical so I joined her and got 3 1/2 minutes in. Not bad. AND I didn't feel sore and achey after that long, which usually at about 2 minutes I want to stop.

Today we're going to the zoo for my birthday, and depending on how much we walk around, I'll just do one mile on Walk Away The Pounds tonight to make up for Tuesday. It's going to be gorgeous outside!

Crazy 24 Hours

Last night was awful. I was telling DH how frustrated I was getting having no restriction, being hungry all the time, and trying to figure out what I can eat between meals, etc. He eventually broke down and started crying. He feels helpless because he doesn't know how to help me and he wants to cook healthier for me but he's not really sure how to, especially since I'm a pretty picky eater. I felt horrible for making him feel bad, it wasn't directed towards him at all, but he just wants to see me happy and this whole journey of mine is killing him since I'm so miserable and he feel undereducated about the band.

Then, to make it an even better night, one corner leg of our bed frame broke at 5:30 this morning. We got this frame about a month ago and we knew it was a little wobbly, the legs are actually just screws with flat discs on the bottom so you can adjust the height with the screw part--and the diameter of the screws couldn't have been more than 1/4th of an inch. This leg had bent a little bit over the last few weeks, and this morning, it just gave out and the whole corner of the bed collapsed. Turns out the two screws supporting the middle beam of the frame were also bent. Now my kill count is 2 toilet seats and 1 bed. I need to get this weight off! I'm so tired of crap like this!

I didn't go to the gym tonight because I decided to go to my first support group with my bariatric program. I've been putting it off because either the topics didn't interest me or I didn't feel like going after a long day at work. I went for a few reasons though: I needed to see how other people in my program are doing. I needed to know if anyone else took so long to get restriction with this program. And, I thought if nothing else, I could talk to the program director, who runs the meetings. I'm so glad I went tonight! The topic was "Spring Cleaning" and the time was spent making collages of things we wants to get rid of or accomplish and such this spring, blah blah, arts and crafts. But I did pull the director aside as everyone was leaving and finally just let it all spill. I told her the frustrations I've been having, the problems I have scheduling fills, and how I was considering going to another office because of the issues I've been having with theirs. She was glad I told her. She didn't realize there was such a disconnect between the surgeons and the woman who schedules the fills. She told me to wait 2 more weeks (to make it an even 4) and let her know, then to schedule a fill. She also said to ask my surgeon to give me at least 2 or 3 ccs at my next fill; she even said the worst than can happen is to have to have a "little squeezed back out". In the back of my mind I knew I should have went to her right away instead of considering another doctor first, but I didn't know how she would react, or if she'd shove the nutritionist down my throat, or enforce their "normal" policy of 3 months between fills. I feel like maybe now I'll start to make some progress with my program.

I won't have the energy to work out tonight yet, but I'll either get up early tomorrow or do the Walk Away The Pounds tomorrow night (along with going the gym right after work). I definitely feel like I've had a burden lifted off me, though.

Oh, one thing that concerned me about the support group: out of 14 people, 2 were pre-op, and of the remaining 12, only TWO PEOPLE were anywhere close to a "normal" BMI. Everyone else was still pretty chunky--probably over 200 pounds yet. And these people have had their surgeries for anywhere from 2 to 9 years. I don't know if that's indicative of the kind of results to expect from this program, or if maybe they just keep going to the support group BECAUSE they aren't at an average weight. It's entirely possible the that successful patients don't have a need to go to the group. Who knows?