Sobering Experience

Hungry hungry hungry...really need that fill before I gnaw off my arm.

Anyway, tonight I did pretty good--15 mins on the bike, 4 different weight machines, 5 mins on the elliptical (and wasn't TOO dead after that). I was really sleepy though after my workout, which is new. I don't know if it had to do with still being really hungry after my Lean Cuisine lunch or a little less sleep last night than usual.

I was the last one in the gym so I was alone in the locker room after my workout. Since nobody else could get in at that point, while I was changing back into my work pants (I didn't feel like wearing my bright blue pants outside), I stopped and just took a long look in the full-length mirror they have by the lockers. First, I realized that it's been a LONG LONG time since I've even really looked in a full-length mirror (I don't even check my own face too often, I'm not concerned about it). Second, I was absolutely disgusted at what I saw. One of the reasons I'm so heavy and not very depressed about it is because I've always just accepted my body. I rarely sit there and nitpick everything I don't like about my body. AND I always thought that my legs, though bigger than average, were still acceptable. Even if they used to be, they aren't anymore. My lower abdomen and my legs are just abominable. Since I've been losing at least a little weight, my stomach region is shifting--the upper sides are slimming while everything sinks down into the room made in my lower stomach by losing weight there. Because of that, my stomach looks like cottage cheese. It didn't before because it was so stretched with fat there was no extra skin to wrinkle. My thighs look even worse. To make the situation worse, I didn't realize how bad I had vericose veins on the back of my thighs by the back of my knees. I had no idea. Then I thought about how I had worn a swimsuit in the Bally's pool last weekend! Oh my god, I let all those people see that?

I think I am going to buy a full-length mirror now for our bedroom. Knowing now what I actually look like below the waist and having a continuing reminder of it should really help me get motivated. Of course, that's hard to say when your stomach is in hunger agony...NEED THAT FILL!