Crazy 24 Hours

Last night was awful. I was telling DH how frustrated I was getting having no restriction, being hungry all the time, and trying to figure out what I can eat between meals, etc. He eventually broke down and started crying. He feels helpless because he doesn't know how to help me and he wants to cook healthier for me but he's not really sure how to, especially since I'm a pretty picky eater. I felt horrible for making him feel bad, it wasn't directed towards him at all, but he just wants to see me happy and this whole journey of mine is killing him since I'm so miserable and he feel undereducated about the band.

Then, to make it an even better night, one corner leg of our bed frame broke at 5:30 this morning. We got this frame about a month ago and we knew it was a little wobbly, the legs are actually just screws with flat discs on the bottom so you can adjust the height with the screw part--and the diameter of the screws couldn't have been more than 1/4th of an inch. This leg had bent a little bit over the last few weeks, and this morning, it just gave out and the whole corner of the bed collapsed. Turns out the two screws supporting the middle beam of the frame were also bent. Now my kill count is 2 toilet seats and 1 bed. I need to get this weight off! I'm so tired of crap like this!

I didn't go to the gym tonight because I decided to go to my first support group with my bariatric program. I've been putting it off because either the topics didn't interest me or I didn't feel like going after a long day at work. I went for a few reasons though: I needed to see how other people in my program are doing. I needed to know if anyone else took so long to get restriction with this program. And, I thought if nothing else, I could talk to the program director, who runs the meetings. I'm so glad I went tonight! The topic was "Spring Cleaning" and the time was spent making collages of things we wants to get rid of or accomplish and such this spring, blah blah, arts and crafts. But I did pull the director aside as everyone was leaving and finally just let it all spill. I told her the frustrations I've been having, the problems I have scheduling fills, and how I was considering going to another office because of the issues I've been having with theirs. She was glad I told her. She didn't realize there was such a disconnect between the surgeons and the woman who schedules the fills. She told me to wait 2 more weeks (to make it an even 4) and let her know, then to schedule a fill. She also said to ask my surgeon to give me at least 2 or 3 ccs at my next fill; she even said the worst than can happen is to have to have a "little squeezed back out". In the back of my mind I knew I should have went to her right away instead of considering another doctor first, but I didn't know how she would react, or if she'd shove the nutritionist down my throat, or enforce their "normal" policy of 3 months between fills. I feel like maybe now I'll start to make some progress with my program.

I won't have the energy to work out tonight yet, but I'll either get up early tomorrow or do the Walk Away The Pounds tomorrow night (along with going the gym right after work). I definitely feel like I've had a burden lifted off me, though.

Oh, one thing that concerned me about the support group: out of 14 people, 2 were pre-op, and of the remaining 12, only TWO PEOPLE were anywhere close to a "normal" BMI. Everyone else was still pretty chunky--probably over 200 pounds yet. And these people have had their surgeries for anywhere from 2 to 9 years. I don't know if that's indicative of the kind of results to expect from this program, or if maybe they just keep going to the support group BECAUSE they aren't at an average weight. It's entirely possible the that successful patients don't have a need to go to the group. Who knows?