That Was Unexpected

We moved to a new apartment this past weekend, so for the last two weeks or so, we've been having fast food a lot and I've been pigging out on sweets and crap like crazy because I need to get my Depo shot. I hadn't weighed myself in a few weeks, not really because I've been avoiding it, but just because I didn't have a good time to do it on an empty stomach, we've just been really busy.

Because I've been eating absolute crap and a LOT of calories, I finally got on the scale today and fully expected to gain like 5 pounds. My last weigh-in was at 390. Today, I weighed 382. I thought that couldn't be right, so I did it again. 382. Maybe the floor is crooked or something? Took the scale into another room. 382. Well okay then.

Why is it that when I'm eating hardly anything and sticking with my fill proportions, I don't lose anything? But now, I'm eating a hell of a lot more, but lost weight. I don't exercise, so I thought that would rule out "starvation mode" but now I'm starting to wonder if my body needs more calories to lose weight than I give it when I'm being good. After a fill, I lose a nice chunk in the week afterwards, but then, even if I'm eating the same amounts, I plateau. Maybe it's just too little for me since I still weigh so much, but I don't know. I'm really just trying to explain this weight loss.

Not complaining, though! I'm down 62 pounds now, which is officially the most weight I've ever lost - last time I got stuck at 55 pounds.

First 5K?!

Nothing much has changed since I posted last. I ate kind of crappy for about a week and I only lost about half a pound, but nothing I'm going to record yet. Thankfully, my fill was over a month ago and my restriction is still going strong. I haven't had much heartburn lately, just a little bit yesterday.

If I could just actually stop eating when my band says I'm full, I'd be dropping weight like crazy. Instead, I have a bad habit of continuing to eat when I feel full, because I know it will push the food down the band and I can eat more. VERY bad habit. I still just can't get over my addiction to food and if something tastes good, I want to keep eating it. A few bites of something good isn't enough yet, though I'm trying to work on it. This morning I actually listened to myself and stopped when my band said I was full, which was about 1/3 of the Jimmy Dean D-Light breakfast sandwich. Normally, I would have went until my 1/2 was gone (which is what I usually eat) but today I just stopped. We'll see if I can carry that philosophy into lunch, where yesterday, I was full after just a few bites, but continued to finish my cup or so of food. And I want to get out of my new afternoon habit of eating SF pudding/yogurt/whatever snack I have a few hours after lunch, not because I'm hungry, but because I know I have it.

I'm also trying to drink more fluids, which is still really hard for me at night at home because I eat dinner then just forget about drinking. If I'm not hungry then I usually don't get thirsty unless I'm doing something physical and not just sitting at the computer. The problem with drinking more fluids is that it actually makes the full feeling go away faster, since it washes out my pouch. I'm trying to find a good balance there.

I still need to at least find a dietitian, if not also a psychologist, but our company insurance is switching over in February so I'm waiting until then, but that's okay, because I don't need a fill yet (and my requirement to get another fill is that I HAVE to see a dietitian).

So anyway, my big news is that I'm going to participate in my first 5K Run/Walk at the Bronx Zoo - and it WILL be a run/walk for me, because I definitely can't run that yet. But the point is that it gives me something to train for, a motivation to start walking again as soon as the weather gets nice. The 5K is on April 24, plenty of time for the weather to come around. My husband is also going to do it with me, which is awesome :) If you're curious about the event, route, etc, here is the website: http://e.wcs.org/site/PageServer?pagename=RFTW_homepage. I'm actually pretty excited. I love the zoo, the event benefits the tigers, and I think this will be really good for me. Wish me luck!

Whew! So Much For Worrying!

The scale didn't move at all last week. I was starting to get really nervous, because everytime I've gotten a fill, I'd lose a few pounds within the first week/week and a half, then I'd either stay there or gain a few back until my next fill. I was so afraid the cycle was back and that I already hit another plateau.

Nope! I got on the scale this morning (fearing the worst - gaining) and I lost 4 more pounds! I'm down to 390 with 54 pounds lost. I have 15 pounds to go by Valentine's Day for the LBT challenge. I'm praying I can do it.

I've been eating more at my nightly dinners than I do any other time of the day. Lately I'd have either half of a Jimmy Dean Delight sandwich (130 calories) or a small yogurt smoothie (140 calories) for breakfast, I pack my own lunches in these little 1-cup Tupperwares, so I really control my portions for lunch - either 1 cup of something, or 1/2 cup of like meat/chicken and 3/4 cup soup, and if I have two things I spread them out about an hour apart, that way if I'm NOT hungry after my first item, I just don't eat the other. If I AM hungry, then at least enough time has passed that I know it's hunger and not just 'shove it down because it's there'. I still haven't been eating a LOT at dinner, but much more than I eat at breakfast or lunch.

At least my plan seems to be working, though. I really want to keep this up!

Just Going To Pretend...

...that my dinner tonight just didn't happen.

I was doing so good, I avoided ALL the treats and temptations at work, came home...

...

Tomorrow is a new day. I know I can't keep doing it all the time, but dwelling on it doesn't make it better either. At least my stomach feels god-awful enough that I won't be doing that again for a long time.

DH is gonna kill me. And it's my own damn fault that the scale hasn't moved in a few days, but on the other hand, I've still been eating so little, even with my slip-ups, that I'm not sure why it hasn't went down any further. I wish I knew exactly how many calories I was eating the first few days after my fill so I knew what it takes to lose.

Yesterday = Fail

Yesterday was a roller coaster of good and bad. I had the last piece of breakfast pizza for breakfast. Then I was doing good at work - I drank about 32 oz of Crystal Light by the middle of the day, I actually got all my liquids in yesterday for the first time in a week.

When I first came in the office, there was a cookie on my desk with the company logo printed on the frosting--Christmas present. At first I put it in my drawer and didn't know what to do with it. By noon, I ate it. I don't know why, I wasn't really hungry. I need to get over the 'if it's there, I'll eat it' mentality.

I wasn't hungry again until around 2 (I usually eat at 1), so I ate a tiny little chicken cutlet that I took home with me from Christmas. I brought a half cup of hamburger soup with me as well, but the chicken filled me up and I didn't touch it. I was hungry by 4 or 4:30ish. I had a pudding cup with me, and still had the soup, but I decided to just wait until I got home to eat dinner instead of snacking. Good for me. I even avoided the 4 boxes of chocolates and box of butter cookies that my coworker brought in.

I got home around 6 and I was starving by then. While DH was getting dinner ready, I snacked on corn chips. Sigh. I could have waited, but the corn chips were there and I love corn chips, so I ate them.

Dinner was leftover turkey (that we also took home from Christmas) mixed with stuffing. I ate my little bowl of the mixture, maybe 1 cup or little less. About 10 minutes later, I noticed I wasn't full. Now, I've already realized this is a problem - I need to learn the difference between "not full" and "hungry" because I might not be stuffed, but that doesn't mean I should keep eating until I am. So I realized that the stuffing mixture was so moist that it probably went right through the band. I realized it, and told DH what was happening too. Of course, he felt bad because he's trying really hard to make food for me that works with the band, so he thought he did something wrong, when really, I thought the turkey would have still filled the pouch and at least slowed down the stuffing, so it wasn't his fault that it didn't work that way either. So when I took my bowl back out to the kitchen, I took a few hearty forkfuls from the pan and ate it. I went back to the pan 2 more time during the next hour or two before I finally put the leftovers in the fridge. I can't even guess how much I ended up eating that way. And it all just went right through, during all of that I never got a full feeling.

I was tempted to have some pudding or ice cream all last night after dinner but I didn't, so at least I ended the day on a kinda good note.

It just made me feel like this is what I'm destined to do, make good choices some of the time and just completely sabotage my efforts the rest of the time. I'm trying much harder today, and I'm determined. I joined the Valentine's Day Challenge on LBT and my goal is to get down to 375 by Valentine's, which is another 18 pounds for me to lose by then. That's about 3 pounds a week, and I think it's manageable if I just stick to it.

So far today I had half of a Jimmy Dean light sandwich - 260 calories whole, so half is about 130 calories. There are so many sweets and snacks around me at work but I have the willpower. I brought chicken again for lunch, still have the half cup of soup if I need it, and still have a pudding cup.

I CAN DO THIS!

HOW COULD I FORGET?!

I totally forgot to post yesterday after I weighed myself! And it's great news!

Since Monday, I had lost 7 pounds as of yesterday. 7 pounds in 3 days! It's about time! Not only that, but I'm 1 pound away from 50 lost, AND I finally met my first goal, which was to get under 400 lbs! I'm now 395 lbs. I believe getting to the 300s is called "Threedom!" I'm so happy and I can't believe I forgot to post about it! Losing that much just makes me want to keep going, which is the sort of thinking I need, actually losing the weight never really motivated me to keep going during my journey, so I'm glad it's kicking in now.

Christmas Under Control!

I'm very very proud of myself for how I handled all the Christmas festivities today.

Breakfast: DH and I started a tradition 3 years ago where we make cook breakfast together, always breakfast pizza and some sort of potato. And we only have breakfast pizza ONCE a year, so we really savor it. This year DH made homemade hashbrowns with it. I had one piece of pizza and a few bites of hashbrowns with cheese.

Christmas Lunch with Friend Family A: Half of a small piece of pork, one very small, thin chicken cutlet, about 4 or 5 "noodles" of rigatoni and cheese, 1 piece of broccoli, 5 or 6 potato "cubes". And that was only HALF of what I took on my plate, so I'm very very happy with myself. I put the rest on DH's plate so I wouldn't be tempted to finish it. Thankfully friend's mother is very supportive of my band and was completely understanding, so I didn't feel like I was offending her cooking by not eating much. I also had a tiny slice of cheesecake about an hour later.

Christmas Dinner with Friend Family B: A few small pieces of turkey, a little bit of mashed sweet potatoes (maybe 1/4 cup). 1 small boxed chocolate for desert.

The only problem is that I drank so very little all day. I really need to force myself to drink, I think since I'm not hungry I don't get as thirsty, either. And since I'm not as thirsty, I don't stare at the clock so much after eating, waiting for my hour to be up to drink. I just kinda forget about it. It was also a problem though because Family B didn't really have anything for me to drink, and tap water wasn't offered (I don't like plain water, but I was so thirsty that I would have drank it at that point).

Overall, I think it was a successful day and shouldn't impede my weight loss at all!