Yesterday = Fail

Yesterday was a roller coaster of good and bad. I had the last piece of breakfast pizza for breakfast. Then I was doing good at work - I drank about 32 oz of Crystal Light by the middle of the day, I actually got all my liquids in yesterday for the first time in a week.

When I first came in the office, there was a cookie on my desk with the company logo printed on the frosting--Christmas present. At first I put it in my drawer and didn't know what to do with it. By noon, I ate it. I don't know why, I wasn't really hungry. I need to get over the 'if it's there, I'll eat it' mentality.

I wasn't hungry again until around 2 (I usually eat at 1), so I ate a tiny little chicken cutlet that I took home with me from Christmas. I brought a half cup of hamburger soup with me as well, but the chicken filled me up and I didn't touch it. I was hungry by 4 or 4:30ish. I had a pudding cup with me, and still had the soup, but I decided to just wait until I got home to eat dinner instead of snacking. Good for me. I even avoided the 4 boxes of chocolates and box of butter cookies that my coworker brought in.

I got home around 6 and I was starving by then. While DH was getting dinner ready, I snacked on corn chips. Sigh. I could have waited, but the corn chips were there and I love corn chips, so I ate them.

Dinner was leftover turkey (that we also took home from Christmas) mixed with stuffing. I ate my little bowl of the mixture, maybe 1 cup or little less. About 10 minutes later, I noticed I wasn't full. Now, I've already realized this is a problem - I need to learn the difference between "not full" and "hungry" because I might not be stuffed, but that doesn't mean I should keep eating until I am. So I realized that the stuffing mixture was so moist that it probably went right through the band. I realized it, and told DH what was happening too. Of course, he felt bad because he's trying really hard to make food for me that works with the band, so he thought he did something wrong, when really, I thought the turkey would have still filled the pouch and at least slowed down the stuffing, so it wasn't his fault that it didn't work that way either. So when I took my bowl back out to the kitchen, I took a few hearty forkfuls from the pan and ate it. I went back to the pan 2 more time during the next hour or two before I finally put the leftovers in the fridge. I can't even guess how much I ended up eating that way. And it all just went right through, during all of that I never got a full feeling.

I was tempted to have some pudding or ice cream all last night after dinner but I didn't, so at least I ended the day on a kinda good note.

It just made me feel like this is what I'm destined to do, make good choices some of the time and just completely sabotage my efforts the rest of the time. I'm trying much harder today, and I'm determined. I joined the Valentine's Day Challenge on LBT and my goal is to get down to 375 by Valentine's, which is another 18 pounds for me to lose by then. That's about 3 pounds a week, and I think it's manageable if I just stick to it.

So far today I had half of a Jimmy Dean light sandwich - 260 calories whole, so half is about 130 calories. There are so many sweets and snacks around me at work but I have the willpower. I brought chicken again for lunch, still have the half cup of soup if I need it, and still have a pudding cup.

I CAN DO THIS!