I'd Consider This An NSV

I haven't really had an NSV (Non-scale victory) in awhile since my weight loss has plateaued, but today, I went for a 2-mile walk on this bike path that runs alongside a highway here in Yonkers (Saw Mill Parkway for any NYers that may be reading). My feet didn't hurt at all and I didn't have to stop and rest AT ALL. I felt great. I haven't been able to walk very far without either my legs, back, or feet killing me after a short while. The cool thing about walking on this pathway is that it has a start point, 1/4, 1/2, 3/4, and 1 mile markers; and also, if I go all the way to the 1 mile marker, that means I HAVE TO do another full mile. I can't just stop and give up or I'd be stranded. My only options would be to sit down on the ground for a bit, rest up, and still have to finish the full 2 miles to get back to my car. I love not having a bail-out option like I do when working out at home or at the gym. I might make this a habit on the weekends since it's on the way to my husband's job (and I usually have to drive him on the weekends)--weather allowing, of course.

I didn't work out yesterday though, I got caught up playing a video game with my husband and then by the time we ate dinner, we had company coming right afterwards. I think today made up for that though, since all I would have done today and yesterday anyway was 1 mile each on Walk Away The Pounds. I might still do that later tonight, but we'll see.

I may invest in some custom-fit shoes soon, because my feet hurting is what is really holding up my gym workouts.

SORE

Yesterday was great. I had a blast at the zoo and probably walked 3 or 4 miles and only had to sit down twice (once for lunch anyway, then I made it the rest of the day until the hike back to the car). The only downside is that from my hips down, I am SORE. I was still sore when I woke up this morning, and I'm still sore now. It affected my workout today, too. I was doing okay on the bike, but as I was getting towards the end, my feet were killing me--not like the usual soreness, but it felt like they were on fire they were hurting so bad, and it was just around one specific area on each foot, not right across the center as usual. I don't know what happened. I had to actually stop when I had 2.5 minutes left because it hurt so bad, usually I can work through the soreness and finish.

I did some weights tonight too, I read the instructions on the machines I didn't know and I found some that I like. After doing one of the machines, my feet felt better so I finished another 3 minutes on the bike. I won't quit! A few more weight machines, then got on the elliptical. After 2 minutes, I couldn't do anymore. My leg soreness kicked in and I had to stop. I might have overdone it between yesterday and today, but I'm still glad I worked out at all.

I gained 2 pounds back this week, but I wasn't being so strict again, it just pushes me to want to binge right now when I'm hungry all the time. I decided that I'm not going to check the scale again until my fill. I'm just going to keep losing and gaining the same few pounds without any restriction, and it's too frustrating. I'll still be mindful of what I eat and exercise, but with less emphasis on weight loss until my fill. I think that's for the best for now.

Happy Birthday To Me!

That's right ladies and gentlemen. Today, my car insurance rate will go down and I can no longer check "18-24" on surveys. Of course, this also means that I didn't make my goal of getting under 400 lbs. by my birthday. I don't feel TOO horrible about it though, because when I made that goal, I was starting to have restriction after my 2nd fill and thought it would keep going. I still have another goal for the Biggest Loser Pound-for-Pound challenge, which is 20 lbs by May 5--of which, I've only lost 3 so far. I still have a little less than a month, but I don't really expect to make it since I won't have another fill by then.

I did get to the gym last night, and for the first time since I started going down, I finally got kicked out for being in there past 6. I had just finished the bike and was about to do the elliptical. Since there was another girl in there, she was going to finish the last 4 minutes on her elliptical so I joined her and got 3 1/2 minutes in. Not bad. AND I didn't feel sore and achey after that long, which usually at about 2 minutes I want to stop.

Today we're going to the zoo for my birthday, and depending on how much we walk around, I'll just do one mile on Walk Away The Pounds tonight to make up for Tuesday. It's going to be gorgeous outside!

Crazy 24 Hours

Last night was awful. I was telling DH how frustrated I was getting having no restriction, being hungry all the time, and trying to figure out what I can eat between meals, etc. He eventually broke down and started crying. He feels helpless because he doesn't know how to help me and he wants to cook healthier for me but he's not really sure how to, especially since I'm a pretty picky eater. I felt horrible for making him feel bad, it wasn't directed towards him at all, but he just wants to see me happy and this whole journey of mine is killing him since I'm so miserable and he feel undereducated about the band.

Then, to make it an even better night, one corner leg of our bed frame broke at 5:30 this morning. We got this frame about a month ago and we knew it was a little wobbly, the legs are actually just screws with flat discs on the bottom so you can adjust the height with the screw part--and the diameter of the screws couldn't have been more than 1/4th of an inch. This leg had bent a little bit over the last few weeks, and this morning, it just gave out and the whole corner of the bed collapsed. Turns out the two screws supporting the middle beam of the frame were also bent. Now my kill count is 2 toilet seats and 1 bed. I need to get this weight off! I'm so tired of crap like this!

I didn't go to the gym tonight because I decided to go to my first support group with my bariatric program. I've been putting it off because either the topics didn't interest me or I didn't feel like going after a long day at work. I went for a few reasons though: I needed to see how other people in my program are doing. I needed to know if anyone else took so long to get restriction with this program. And, I thought if nothing else, I could talk to the program director, who runs the meetings. I'm so glad I went tonight! The topic was "Spring Cleaning" and the time was spent making collages of things we wants to get rid of or accomplish and such this spring, blah blah, arts and crafts. But I did pull the director aside as everyone was leaving and finally just let it all spill. I told her the frustrations I've been having, the problems I have scheduling fills, and how I was considering going to another office because of the issues I've been having with theirs. She was glad I told her. She didn't realize there was such a disconnect between the surgeons and the woman who schedules the fills. She told me to wait 2 more weeks (to make it an even 4) and let her know, then to schedule a fill. She also said to ask my surgeon to give me at least 2 or 3 ccs at my next fill; she even said the worst than can happen is to have to have a "little squeezed back out". In the back of my mind I knew I should have went to her right away instead of considering another doctor first, but I didn't know how she would react, or if she'd shove the nutritionist down my throat, or enforce their "normal" policy of 3 months between fills. I feel like maybe now I'll start to make some progress with my program.

I won't have the energy to work out tonight yet, but I'll either get up early tomorrow or do the Walk Away The Pounds tomorrow night (along with going the gym right after work). I definitely feel like I've had a burden lifted off me, though.

Oh, one thing that concerned me about the support group: out of 14 people, 2 were pre-op, and of the remaining 12, only TWO PEOPLE were anywhere close to a "normal" BMI. Everyone else was still pretty chunky--probably over 200 pounds yet. And these people have had their surgeries for anywhere from 2 to 9 years. I don't know if that's indicative of the kind of results to expect from this program, or if maybe they just keep going to the support group BECAUSE they aren't at an average weight. It's entirely possible the that successful patients don't have a need to go to the group. Who knows?

Willpower...Crumbling...

I did pretty good last week with my diet and food intake. Today, however, I feel like the switch has been turned off again. I'm hungry all the time and it bothers me. I mean, I was hungry last week, but I was able to work through it or ignore it. Right now I'm feeling like my body is saying "C'mon, I've been hungry for too long now, time to take a break from that diet." Then I get mad at my Lap-Band. I was hungry an hour after lunch today. Yes, I have to change the way I eat and the way I think about food, but COME ON, if the Lap-Band was working for me, I wouldn't be hungry so often and I'd feel full off less food! I'm so tired of this battle. Today when I was in the gym, I thought about just stopping. Take a break for a few days. Forget about the diet. Wait until I have some actual restriction before putting so much effort into something that I feel will just fail until I have the right tools working with me. I feel like I'm working out for no good reason right now, it sure as hell isn't showing on the scale.

Tomorrow I'm going to finally make a freaking appointment with one of the NYU doctors. I have a feeling the appointment will be quite a ways away, but I have to take the step. If I could do this on my own, diet and exercise, I wouldn't have had the surgery. And I didn't go through the surgery to fight this without any help.

Bally's again...and the pool was open!

First off: last night I realized I have these nice big scabs on the sides of my thighs were my thighs were rubbing against the heart-rate handles around the bike seat yesterday. Ouch. I knew it was hurting a bit while I was riding, but I didn't know it actually tore into the skin.

I dropped DH off at work and the gym wasn't AS busy today, which was nice. I went on the bike for 15, but after about 5 minutes, I upped the level from 4 to 6, then I realized that the reason I don't feel like I get as much of a workout on the bike is because my heartrate doesn't get really that much higher...it's around 125 when I'm just cruising along at my normal pace and level. I had to fix that! I cranked the level up to 8 after 5 more minutes at 6 and peddled my little heart out. For the last minute or two, that baby was up to 10. My heart rate went up to 140. It was great!

I did more weights today. One of the machines I like was being used by some guy so I did one of the ones I did yesterday, then I experimented a little. I did two other upper-body weight machines and one leg machine. I really want to add weights into my normal routine, I think it will help. Unfortunately, there are no leg machines at my office gym.

Then I got on the "ramp" style elliptical, but I left the incline nice and high and had the resistance on 10. I did 5 minutes on that, with the last 30 seconds as 15 resistance.

I really need to figure out why it's always my FEET that hurt when I work out. I could actually go a lot longer if my feet didn't start to kill me, whether on the bike or elliptical.

After my nice sweat-inducing workout, I got to use the pool! It was absolute heaven to get into the cool water when my body was so hot. I tried to do a few laps, but I noticed a few problems if I ever wanted to make laps a part of my regular workout: my swimsuit is NOT suitable for doing laps. My swimsuit, to be perfectly honest, doesn't fit me right. It's too small. So much goes around my hips/stomach that there isn't much left for the top. What this means is that when I'm swimming, the water wooshes into the top of my swimsuit and it the fabric goes away from my gals. I feel REALLY self-conscious and I wouldn't feel comfortable doing laps like that knowing what my swimsuit is doing without my permission. I'd have to get a new swimsuit that fits better. The other problem is my body floats too much. This should be a good thing, right? Nope. My BUTT floats. So it's hard to make a straight line out of my back; which means my face is up out of the water when I swim and that curves my back. It gives me horrible swimming posture. Plus I think I'm a little afraid of swimming with my face in the water, I always feel like I'm going to swallow water and drown or something when you lift your face sideways to breathe. Either way, it still felt great to get in the pool after working out. The whirlpool was huge, bigger than some hotel POOLS, and it felt like heaven. I just sat there for maybe 15 minutes before they shut it off to start closing up for the night. I could have stayed in there for an hour!

I need to find a gym to join to supplement my office gym. I've been toying with several different gyms around here. I like the machines they have at Bally's and I like the pool, but I don't know how much I would actually use the pool. I absolutely hate trying to dry off and get back into clothes after swimming, everything just kind of sticks to you because you don't have much time to let your body dry off completely. Plus, since they have a steam room off of the locker room, it's always kind of humid in there, which doesn't help trying to dry off. My free guest pass ends Friday, so I won't be able to go back next weekend unless I join. I'm going to talk to DH and see if he thinks the extra $15/month is worth it for a gym because of the pool, or if I'd use the pool enough to make it worth it. Plus, a friend told me that Planet Fitness doesn't have the "ramp" ellipticals. Hmm.

I love how my attitude has changed towards working out lately. I look forward to it.

I had a blast at the gym! What?

I got a 7-day free pass for Bally's and I went today. I was hoping to use the pool and hot tub after working out, but the lifeguard called in sick so the pool room was closed (which made a LOT of people mad!).

I daresay I had fun working out today. The bike had a cushioned seat and the 15 minutes flew by. The last few minutes I cranked up the level and just went all out. It was great! Then I used (dramatic pause) weights! I did three different machines--3 sets of 12 reps each. I really felt good doing weights, I felt like my upper body finally got a workout. Then I realized that I wasn't crazy--there ARE two different kind of ellipticals! I kept saying how much I love the elliptical, but the one we have at the office gym isn't fun.

Here is the kind of elliptical the office gym has(not the same model, but same concept):


And here is the one I was accustomed to and love:


I got to use the second one today, and it was great. I didn't get as exhausted but I was getting a GREAT working, sweat was just pouring down my face. It seems this one feels more like an aerobic workout instead of just killing my muscles. I was almost up to 5 minutes and decided I wasn't too tired yet, so I cranked up the incline, cranked up the resistance, and went another two minutes. I probably could have gone longer if my feet didn't hurt from my shoes.

I also asked about their personal trainer prices, but they want you to buy these huge chunks of sessions, like 36 sessions for almost $3,000 dollars! I don't have that kind of money. I finally squeezed out of him how much a single session is, which is $105. If anything, I just want a session or two to show me what I should be doing, what machines, how long, etc...I don't really need someone standing there pushing me, so having constant sessions wouldn't benefit me, plus with my husband's schedule it would be too hard to keep 3-4 scheduled sessions a week, like he said it would be.

I'm going to go back again tomorrow and hopefully use the pool, too. I don't think I'm going to get a membership, though. It's 25-30 bucks a month and I would only use it on the weekends and once in awhile if I get out of work too late. There is another gym called Planet Fitness that I could join right now for $10/month. The only difference is Bally's has a pool. However, the pool only has 2 lap lanes, and considering how many people I saw trying to get into the pool today, I think I wouldn't be able to get in on the weekends anyway. We'll see how tomorrow goes.

I feel pretty good though! I think I might suck it up and ask some of the guys who use the office gym how to use the weight machines there, I really need to work on my upper body.