| 1. | any underhand interference with production, work, etc., in a plant, factory, etc., as by enemy agents during wartime or by employees during a trade dispute. |
| 2. | any undermining of a cause. |
Example: Having a productive visit with my bariatric nurse practitioner about recent struggles, then going to McDonald's, getting a chocolate shake, mushroom swiss burger, fries, and cookies. But wait, there's more! Drink half the shake and eat one of the cookies, hunger is gone. Sooo...eat most of the fries. Get stuffed, and actually think you're doing good by leaving some of the fries. Oh look, the burger is still here. Can't let that go waste. Eat the whole thing. Oops, now I don't feel so good. Ah shit, I REALLY don't feel good. PB most of the burger back up.
WTF is wrong with me? Seriously. I didn't get out of my appointment until 3 PM and I hadn't had lunch, so I was starving. I knew I had food at home, so I convinced myself not to stop anywhere most of the way home...until I was about 2 miles from home. Oh right, McD's is having that promotion where you get a free glass when you order a meal. And yeah, I feel like having a shake for the first time in a LONG time.
I honestly don't know why I did it. I don't know why I continued to eat and eat after I wasn't hungry anymore, and much less when I was absolutely full and KNEW I would only hurt myself if I kept going. And the WORST part about all of this was that it was right after I promised myself to get back on the wagon and try harder. I think it was a last meal syndrome of sorts, but it's still just no excuse. Sigh.
Last night was my company's Christmas party and I ate like crazy. No wonder the scale today said 405 - no shock there whatsoever.
I scheduled my next fill for Monday, Dec. 21, which is great because I have the entire week off work so I don't have to worry about taking time off. If my husband has off work I might ask him to come with so he can see what they do.
A few things though: Apparently, they put a new policy in place that you have to see the nutritionist to continue getting fills. Thankfully, my NP said I can find a nutritionist that accepts my insurance, since that is one of the reasons I stopped seeing the one in their practice (among other reasons, she was completely useless). We also talked about me seeing a psychologist, and I agree, because there are some issues that I have to work through with food before I can ever hope to stick to a diet. We'll see how both of those go. I'm also going to try to get back into Walk Away The Pounds.
1 comment:
i feel your pain. it is terrible to want something so much and not be able to have it. and the only one who can give it to you is yourself. dont give up. something will click and something will work for you. i must add that your meals are loaded with fat and carbs. but you cant go drastic and start eating salads and grilled chicken. it wont work. you have to find an in between where your meals are satisfying and with variety but not so full of fat. instead of having your vegetables with cheese you could try sauteing them with olive oil and garlic. what i'm trying to say is make little changes at first then continue to make the changes grow.
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