I WILL Be Posting More!

I don't know if anyone is still reading this because of my lack of updates. What happened is that when I started this blog, I had full internet access at work and could post during downtime. A few months after my surgery, my department had web access turned off (when everyone else still gets it...but that's another story that I won't go into). Sooo...I just tend to forget to update here when I get home and I'm tired and usually cranky. Plus, for the longest time I wasn't losing weight, couldn't get fills, and really wasn't doing much about diet and exercise, so I didn't have much to talk about. I have several things to share though and I think my blog will be getting more use because of them.

1) My lowest weight now has gotten down to 408 (36 pounds). I went from 414 to 408 in less than a week by doing what I should have been doing all along: no snacking, no eating after dinner (I was getting into bad habits with my husband of eating a snack at 11 or 12 at night), and no sugary drinks (I admit, I was having soda here and there, but after my last fill it's uncomfortable to drink it anyway, so that's over with, kaput). 6 pounds gone just by using my head. Then I had a bad weekend, ate too much crap, and I'm back up to 410 (I'm keeping my progress bar at 408 because I have every intention of losing it again--I'll change it if I DON'T go back down in the next week or two).

2) I had a breakthrough. I haven't had ANY fast food in 2009 so far. I've been proud of myself for it. It hasn't really made a difference in losing weight, but just knowing that I have been avoiding it makes me feel great. But here is the breakthrough: McD's has fish filets for 2 for $3 in lent. I LOVE their fish filets. One night last week, I was taking my husband to work and I hadn't eaten dinner yet. I told him I was thinking about getting the fish filets. I even told them that one was 380 calories, not awful, but that I would most likely get 2, which pushes it up to 760. Wow. I love my husband to death and he's been VERY supportive of me, but he hates hates hates seeing me miserable, especially when I really want to eat something and beat myself up trying to resist. So the best thing he could come up with is if I get McD's, I had to get him something too. Uh, how is that supposed to deter me? I actually got as far as the McD's drive-thru lane. I saw about 10 cars in line, told myself that neither the line, nor the calories, were worth it, and went straight home. Then I worked out and made a full meal for myself out of baked fish and green beans. I even got interrupted with a phone call halfway through my workout, and by the time I got off the phone, dinner was ready. So I ate, and 2 hours later, I finished my workout.

I felt AWESOME for having make so many good choices in one night, and, to be sappy and cliche, it made me feel that maybe I CAN make this a life change.

3) I have another fill this Wednesday, March 25. It was like pulling teeth to get the office to schedule it, because they (meaning the office staff) don't like to do fills more than every 3 months to avoid the insurance rejecting a claim if they are given too often (which I haven't heard of on LBT, but I need to do some more research). However, when I asked my doctor how often I could get a fill, he told me as often as I need to, whether it be one month or six months from now. He did not mention any restriction on how often I could get one. For this reason, after this fill and due to better insurance benefits now, I think I may finally look into the NYU program. I would have to pay like $325 for the dietician if I switch to their program, but I'll see if I can get it waived or something, because I already have all the nutritional info I need (even if I don't necessarily follow it--I know what I SHOULD be doing) and I really don't think I would be using her.

4) I've been exercising! And I'm excited to keep going! I've been doing Walk Away The Pounds, and even though I've only done it 3 times in the last week and a half, it's a start. The problem is that I want to do it when I get home from work, right before dinner, and I don't have a lot of restriction going on now so I've either been starving when I get home and can't wait another half hour to eat, or I get out of work late and dinner's already been waiting and I'm even hungrier. I'm not making excuses, I take full responsibility for it. I know that if I eat first, I can just wait 1.5 - 2 hours and I can work out then. Buuut, by then, I'm too tired or just not in the mood to work out after I've been relaxing.

So:

Tomorrow (and I've put this off for a week), I'm going to start using the gym in my office building after work. I've been putting off using the gym because the last time I lost weight by working out, I was at the heaviest 340 pounds and from what I've read, most equipment is only meant to withstand 350-375 pounds max. I'm really really afraid that the machines just can't support me yet. I will probably avoid the treadmill for awhile because of that. I've always been terrified when treadmills "skip" a little bit and I feel like I'm going to take a huge fall, and I don't know what to expect of a treadmill at this weight. But that's okay, because I can walk outside now that it's getting nice, or just do my Walk Away The Pounds for now.

I'm going to try to keep the blog updated with what I do when I exercise, be a little more accountable for what I'm putting in my mouth, and hopefully I'll get to share more and more good news with you all in the next few weeks!