*taptap* Is this thing on?

I admit, I've been avoiding posting. I thought I had posted again after my fill though, but I know why I didn't.

My last fill was great. For about 3 weeks, I was eating very little, at LEAST half as much as what I usually eat. Maybe 1 cup of food? I was being very careful with my portions and especially my lunches, I only packed what I knew I could safely eat. And I was satisfied! I was doing great. About a week after my fill, I weighed myself. I usually lose anywhere from 5-9 pounds the week after a fill, so I was disappointed that I had only went from 404 to 402. I was so sure that I was finally going to break the 400 mark. But I figured, give it another week and I'm sure the weight loss will be reflected. Nope. Still at 402 the next week. And the next. Three weeks of awesome restriction and absolutely no weight loss. WTF. I knew how much I was eating, and I should have been losing.

It's been almost 6 weeks now and I'm getting really frustrated. My restriction has loosened again and I can eat more. Right now, I can eat like a freaking horse. I'm at the end of my birth control cycle though (3 months - Depo Provera shot) and I noticed that I'm hungry all the time and my eating tends to spin out of control when I get close to needing another shot. I'm getting it today, so hopefully things will pick back up in the next week or two.

I weighed myself this morning, but my scale has been pretty unreliable lately. If I move at all when I'm on the scale, the numbers jump around, and I can't find a perfectly level area of floor in my apartment to weigh myself on, so I have no idea how accurate it is. Anyway, this morning it kept bouncing between like 398 and 402 or so. COME ON. I've been waiting and waiting and waiting just to reach this first goal of getting under 400, and I can't get a concrete number. So I'm still saying I'm at 402, because I don't want to get my hopes up.

I know I haven't been eating the best choices either, and I'm wondering if it's time to suck it up and diet. I'm terrified of dieting because I crash badly when I can't keep up with it anymore. I'm thinking of doing just grilled chicken breasts and veggies for a few weeks and see what happens. I'm really starting to worry though that there is something wrong that's not allowing me to lose weight.

I'm finally in the mood to start walking outside again, but now it's already dark when I get off work. I think I'm going to get another Leslie Sansone Walk Away The Pounds DVD next week when my husband has a nice big discount at work. This is a special DVD that has 5 1-mile walks, intended to do one every day and they focus on different body areas every day. I think I need to put more effort into my weight loss, and if I start making myself get up earlier every morning, work out, then eat better during the day, I have to get a kick start on losing again. I shouldn't be plateaued after only 40 pounds out of 400.

I'll try to post more, and I know I say that every time, but I'm so tired of being a failure and it's hard to admit it. I still haven't even talked to my nurse practitioner yet after my fill because I was hoping for better news to give her. I think I'm going to make an appointment to see her, since I have to see her anyway before I can get another fill.